Visiting my mother in California. We ate out at restaurants, went to the movies a few times and talked. As I traveled through the last five days (or revolutions of our planet), I felt my mind in exquisite detail. The engagement of my amygdala in freeze, flight or fight when we tried to capture her cat. To trim its claws as I felt a sympathetic response to the cat being in full-blown freeze, flight or fight. The feeling of just biding my time, escaping the worries that I have running in the background.
Our minds are strange and wild beasts. We may think we have control of our thoughts and directions, but it doesn’t take much to send us off our chosen trail, to wander lost in the woods of emotions. The emotions are often driven by our bodies and betray us. The thoughtful logical contemplativeness lost to a driving emotion. An emotion that is locked in place like the giant granite boulders in southern California. Possible to move and overcome, but like the boulders, only with much difficulty and effort. I wish it was easier.
That the body did not remember.
But it does.
Maybe that is the point. Overcoming the crushing histories that we carry within us. That sear and burn us until we screamingly escape into whatever it is that we escape into.
Bugs on a rock. Hurtling through space at forty percent of the speed of light outward. Living for a brief moment until we don’t. Nothing forgotten, nor remembered. Only the endless movement through the black.