I now sit in this airport in Pittsburgh thinking. I worked for several hours on a report for a client but maxed out trying to focus on work through the noise of people talking, smelling the fried food everywhere and the uncomfortable seating. Pennsylvania is a beautiful place. The trees tall and green, the interesting topography and the apparent working class everything. I attended a customer meeting that was interesting, challenging and like drinking information from a three-inch firehose. We made progress and found areas where we could help. Sitting on the plane now before we take off, I realize what a delicious awesome life I live.
Later as we flew through the skies, I felt the days work and travel sink in. Sitting tiredly during a Chicago layover, I could feel myself becoming somewhat shallower in those moments. Talking on the phone, I could feel other people listening to me. Later as I thought about it, I realized I really did not like myself. This is not the person I am or want to be. More of the everpresent chameleon-ness of my personality. This I shall have to watch closely. Just as Buddha experience being a rich man, a poor man, and many other things, I do not wish to be bound into any one of those.
Finally arriving home, I became a complete oaf. When trying to enter my beloved wifes home, I became frustrated when I could not unlock the door with my hands full (briefcase, water, documents, etc). Then to compound it, I expressed my frustration towards the lovely beautiful soul that is my wife. She handled this well but experienced some anguish because of me. Manya is the sweetest kindest person I have ever known. She did not deserve my immature response. Being tired is no excuse for behaving like a jackass. So I sit here humbled, trying to figure out my own behavior so that I may not damage her or anyone else. This has been one large learning and growth opportunity among many in these last few weeks.
I enjoy the travel I do in my work as I get the opportunity to meet new people, see from different perspectives beyond my own. But it is not cheap or free. As all learning has a cost in one direction or another. Sometimes the cost is pain, sometimes money or struggle and often more. But this is how we grow.
I think that going forward, I will watch closely, this chameleon-like aspect that lurks within the wolf. For just as the wolf will blend into its surroundings, so do I. But I must learn to be actively aware of this.
Socrates referred to his daimonion (sign from the Oracle of Delphi). I often feel and see these signs, in what I read, in others eyes, in situations within my life and during my travels. These are chances for each of us to take, to learn to become something more than we are. Something good in our hearts as we love those that we are blessed to have in our lives.
One last thought.
I have been rereading a series of SciFy novels on my Kindle. These novels remind me of how I look at the reincarnation of life. I have always thought of it as a laborious process – death, rebirth, learning as a child and then adulthood. But lately, my view has been changing. Perhaps this is me changing and adapting how I view time in progression. Perhaps everything is instantaneous. Our lives, our deaths and the in-between of these lives. As the gods themselves must be seeing this. So instantaneous as to a point where you would need to slow down everything in order to even view it. Multiple billions of lives, born, grow, live, die and start again. All at the speed of light. So there is no need to fear, no need to fret. It is all happening now, at the speed of light. Just as the electrons of electricity surge across the wires at the speed of light to bring you the power to light a bulb or power the music playing over my amazon echo.
We too travel at the speed of light.