Friday evening I felt so strange. A withdrawal with observational distinctiveness. Having spent a week in an unfamiliar land. Where the natives were both friendly and safe, yet dangerous, seductive.
I was a stranger in a strange land. But even more so, was the stranger that I was. This person that I think I have mapped out myself to be, can be someone else. I am at my core a pieces/chameleon. Adaptive and changing as the water itself, I flow around and through the obstacles and impediments that mark my path. This is how I think of myself.
Still, I felt the withdrawal. I have to admit, I liked being in such a place. People everywhere, at all time of the day and night. Coming together in this nexus of humanity. I realized as I felt myself going through the withdrawal that I had adapted again, but at a greater rate than I had ever experienced before. I think that scared me a little. To find myself so wildly changed, yet still me. Attitudes, biases, positions held in my mind simply drifted away like the waning tide. To be so malleable and diffused. I find this disconcerting in some ways, and in others not. The moorings that anchor my ship in the raging seas of life, dragging and slipping. This left me pondering how attached we really are to our constructs of how we think. Sitting here watching the rain come down, I wonder. When I think of peoples lives, I often think of them like pill capsules encompassing the total of their lives. But really they are not. No more than mine is of such.
I want to observe this more going forward as it is teaching me something I feel is important. Important to me anyway.
I want to shake loose this grabbing on of societal and psychological safety rails. We are capable of so much more than this surface level. This may be where this particular story arc is headed. As Steven King states in his book “On Writing”, you uncover a story the way an archeologist uncovers dinosaur bones in a dig. Maybe we do this in the participation and observation of our own lives/thoughts/emotions. Not exactly what our society would have us do, western or otherwise.
Society in its various form pushes us to take one position or another. Just as the original river valley civilizations of the Indus, Egyptian, and Mesopotamian were quite rigid and unchanging. But the ancient Greeks were dynamic and wildly changing during Socrates time. Unfortunately, this led to the rise of the sophists and the eventual death of Socrates. Not that Socrates understood everything, he did not. But his infernal questioning and teaching gave us Plato with his dialogs. All contributing to the western civilization we live in now.
So I question myself and see where this might take me. Perhaps a road less traveled, I can hope for. A place in the sun, on this rainy day in southwest Texas.
Another step along these great dunes of sand, in this the white desert.